


Teach me how to let go

by Uzulover



Series: Behind the veil [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Break Up, F/M, Hugs all around, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Not A Fix-It, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, beware there's explicit language, give my boy a damn hug pls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 01:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19984042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uzulover/pseuds/Uzulover
Summary: Home for Steve has always been this infuriatingly beautiful man in front of him.It's been Tony Stark for a while now.He loves him with every fibre of his being and yet, Steve knows that his love is not enough anymore.It's not enough to push pass their past or seal the cracks.Now, it's only good enough to give him the strength to leave.





	Teach me how to let go

**Author's Note:**

> Typing and editing on a phone is tough. Whew chile, my fingers are tired.  
> Anyways there's swearing in this fic so be warned.

It's been awhile now since he last saw Steve on that night, since he broke what little love that had not been shattered by Ultron or even Siberia.   
Since then Steve had not made any more efforts to meet with him, and while he's happy, he's always so sad, that sometimes Pepper catches him staring at the open door, almost like he's waiting for Steve to show up.   
Almost like he's hoping to see that stupid beard of his, that somehow makes him more approachable, softer in the sense that even if you take a good look at him, you dare not think he resembles Captain Patriotism.   
So no, he does not miss Steve, despite what people may say. (Shut up, Rhodey. No one is talking to you)  
Besides, he has enough people to worry over now, and even as he's thinking it, he glances over at Peter, who is humming as he finishes up his homework.   
He doesn't know how they got to the point that Parker is now doing his homework in his lab, or why everytime he looks at the child, that he feels this sort of fierce protectiveness over him, that makes him just want to swaddle this little boy in a blanket and feed him soup. He stops working as the thought filters through the calculations and he has to sit down. "What the fuck" he whispers and Peter's head whips towards his direction so fast, he feels sorry for the boy's neck.   
"Are you...okay?" Peter asks, and Tony's eyebrows furrow at the way it's said, like he's talking to a scared calf, and not a forty (Shut up Rhodey) something year old man who built and superheroes in a suit of armor. Tony sits down on the stool, and looks at this little bean who is already on his feet, skittish and twitching as though he's ready to haul Tony to the hospital just from saying the word Fuck.  
"Sit down, kiddo" Tony tells him and Peter squints at him, before dramatically taking his seat again.   
"You've been quiet" Peter says after a minute of staring at each other. Tony's trying to pinpoint the exact second he saw Peter move from just this good but kind of naive kid who needed all the help he could get or else he would die (And Tony had enough blood on his hands and did not need this kid joining the party), to a capable young man who he would gladly take a bullet for.   
Oh fuck. Fuck. Oh fuck. Pepper is going to kill him. Oh shit. Does Pepper know he likes this kid like he likes Harley? Oh shitttt. She doesn't know about Harley. "Mr. Stark?" He asks, and he can be hear the panic in his voice as Tony panics himself.   
"It's ok, kid. I'm good" Tony says and coughs when his dry throat tries to kill him. Peter offers him a bottle of water from his backpack, unopened (Thank God. He didn't need teenage cooties) and when he sees that Tony's hands are shaking too much, the little brat opens it for him. He doesn't hesitate, just gulps down the water like a man dying of thirst. When he's finished, he places the empty bottle on his desk and tries to calm himself.   
"Can I ask a question?" Peter asks, and Tony glances at him, watching the way he twists his hands together nervously. Sometimes, he swears that he sees so much of Steve in Peter, from that churlish sense of humor to that tenacious sense of justice. Sometimes, he lets himself think of how much Steve would like Peter.   
"You just did" Tony says and Peter shoots him a "Come on" look that manages to make him smile. "Go on, string bean" he adds as Peter rolls his eyes at the Nickname.   
"How did you know Ms. Potts is it for you?" He asks and Tony hums a little under his breath.  
At a time, after Afghanistan, but before New York, he had believed that Pepper is the only person that he could spent his life with.   
It had not lasted though and after the invasion, as they spent more time apart, in that tiny space where a strange but beautiful relationship bloomed, a tall blonde had taken her place. He had been certain that Steve would be the last person who ever managed to make him feel the one thing that always seemed to elude him: love.  
Yet it didn't last.  
After Barnes had been discovered as the Winter Soldier, as Steve spent more time chasing after ghosts, as Aunt Peggy died and after Ultron, their feelings shifted and changed.  
Tony knew then that such a future dissolved into smoke. That there would be no future for them anymore.   
And Tony like always, searched for familiarity in a world that had been crumbling around him.   
So he sought Pepper.   
After he nursed a broken heart and helped Rhodey with his physical therapy, he reached out to Pepper again. And once more, after they rebuilt the scattered remains of their relationship, she took her place beside him.  
He doesn't tell Peter this though. He doesn't announce that he had once shared intimacy with Steve because their relationship had never been public.   
No one, not even the team knew. Maybe they suspected, but they had never announced to anyone else that they had been seeing each other. Ruefully, Tony thinks, it had been just another secret they both shared.   
Instead he tells him "It was just a feeling. A thought that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her".   
He watches the way Peter nods like he understands, but Tony knows for a fact that he doesn't, not yet anyway and he stands. He stretches a little and reaches out to ruffle the kid's hair. "Don't worry about it so much. Come on lets get lunch" he says and walks away.   
He doesn't wait for Peter, and instead starts to walk down the hall, when it happens.   
All the breath in his lungs is stolen away, as his chest squeezes so tightly that he sways to the wall in order to steady himself. There's a sharp pain running up and down his left hand that makes him double over. He overestimates his strength because he does not realize that he can no longer hold up his body anymore. He cries out as he stumbles to the floor. He hears Peter shouting for him and at F.R.I.D.A.Y but his mouth doesn't respond to his command of "Open up so I can tell Peter not to worry". His tongue is too heavy and he can feel himself fading. His last thought is of Peter, who he knows will never recover from seeing him like this. 

Steve is running. Since he last saw the news and got on a plane to New York, Steve has been running. He's sprinting down the hospital hallway, dodging people as he weaves around the mayhem so that he can make it to room 101. The adrenaline and the fear urges him on until he's made it to the room. He skids to a stop when he sees a young boy crying into the shoulder of Pepper whose face is red as her blouse, who glares at him when their eyes meet. Rhodey who is talking to Happy, frowns as the other man looks at him with a murderous expression on his face.   
"Miss Potts" Vision says as he appears next to Steve. Pepper, shakes her head as the boy continues to fall apart in her arms. Steve watches as she looks away from them, when Natasha approaches.   
"You are not supposed to be here" Rhodey addresses them and ignores the weak smile Natasha sends his way.   
"We had help" Vision says and he can see the tension rising between them. Vision may have not told them the full story, but they know that when he chose to be with Wanda, it had caused a huge rift between the three of them.  
"He does not need you here right now" Rhodey says as he crosses his arms over his chest. He's standing tall and proud like an unmoving Sentinel, ready to guard Tony from them.   
"Is it true?" Natasha asks and he turns angry eyes on her. He's furious, rightfully so, as he stares them down for their misplaced audacity.   
"Yes, it's true" Pepper answers, as she stands. Happy takes over for her, whispering something to the boy who hasn't stopped crying. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his hoodie and blushes when he realizes they are staring at him. "Go get some water, okay" she tells him gently and he nods before following after Happy. He doesn't say anything to them, just walks past with trembling lips and shaking hands. Pepper watches him and waits until he disappears down the corner before she speaks again. "I would like nothing better than to call security on you three, but if I did, Tony will never forgive me. For some insane reason, he still cares for you all, especially you Captain " she says as she slips on her jacket. As she fixes her hair, the glint of her enagement ring, leaves him queasy. "So while I have some calls to make, I will allow you five minutes alone with him. After that, you all need to get the hell away from my fiancee" she says as she steps closer to Steve who stands straighter as those cold eyes dare him to go against her orders. "Do you understand?"she asks, and the steel in her voice, cuts him down to pieces.   
"Yes" is all he can say as she continues to decimate him with her glare. She doesn't even look at Natasha or Vision as she walks away, her heels clicking on the floor as she goes.   
"You go ahead, Steve. We'll wait outside" Natasha tells him and he squeezes the hand that has made it on his shoulder. Vision nods at him and when he walks past Rhodey, the man stops him.  
"If he wakes up, you have to leave. Do you hear me?" He demands and Steve nods, because he just wants to see Tony one last time. When he realizes that Steve will listen to him, he lets him go without another word. 

He looks so small, Steve thinks. He looks so vulnerable, hooked up to so many noisy machines, eyes closed and hands clasped on his stomach. He's lost the weight that he had gained, and the stress had taken it's toll on his face. He's jaunt in a way that makes Steve ache. He sits down on the chair next to his bed, the ugly orange plastic creaks with his weight and the force in which he had thrown his body. He takes a long exhale as he watches him. He watches the dainty way his long eyelashes flutter like butterfly wings as his eyes keep moving behind closed eyelids. He's dreaming, Steve realizes and he smooths the little furrow his forehead. It makes Tony whine a little. His skin is clammy with sweat and the scent of coconut has all but disappeared under the hospital's smells. "I wrote you another letter" Steve says to the empty room, though he addresses Tony. He lays the lilac envelope in the Bible that he knows once belonged to Maria, that Pepper must have brought from home.   
Home is such a painful word now. Weighed down with mistakes and betrayal.   
It leaves Steve more numb than he's ever felt. He had thought foolishly that they would rebuild (because isn't that what Tony once told him, he is so famous for?) what they once had, but when Tony announced his engagement to Pepper, he showed Steve that there is no forgiveness to be shared any more between them.   
Even now he had desperately hoped that they would come together once more, that they would bridge the gap between them and create something new, something stronger. But as the days passed, Steve knows that Tony is too far away from him.   
His betrayal is too deep, too familiar and he knows that when Tony can no longer deal with the damage, Tony tends to hide behind the walls that his father had all but founded.   
He becomes a Stark, so that Tony can survive. "I think this is the last time you will ever see me, sweetheart" he whispers as he stands. He leans down and closes his eyes as he kisses his forehead. He hopes that all the love that he has for this beautiful man can be poured into this one kiss because he knows that this will be the last time he has the chance to this. He swears that his love for this man, who gave his everything for a world that doesn't deserve his dedication, a man who he never once admitted that owned his heart, will not hurt him again. He pulls away and takes one last look at him through watery eyes. "Till we meet again, Shellhead" he whispers and leaves before he can destroy him further.

**Author's Note:**

> I love my bois. So that's why they have to suffer.   
> Thanks to all the kind comments and kudos that I've received for this series.   
> Y'all are the best.


End file.
